It has been forever since I last posted. Honestly, I have been lacking inspiration lately, a lot of which I know is due to my lack of desire to spend time with God. For the first time in weeks, I felt the urge to read the Bible – a little bit out of guilt and with a slight sense of obligation. I opened up my Bible to the book of James and started to read a few of the verses, some of which really spoke to me and inspired this blog post. As I started to write some things down, my words turned into a form of prayer. So, this is not a standard blog post or my usual style of writing. It is my own personal, raw and unedited prayer which is very relevant to this season of my life.
“But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death”
[James 1: 14-15]
My flesh is weak and my heart is weaker still. My desire to sin has outweighed my desire for you O LORD. I have been deceived by these worldly and unholy desires O LORD. I am weak, I am broken and I am enslaved. O God how did it get like this? I know exactly how. I have neglected you O God. I have been enticed away from you because of my weakness.
Without you O LORD, I am nothing but a body. I have no heart and I have no soul. Without you O LORD, I am dead.
But O LORD, once again you reach me. Once again your love and truth find me. Though I have nothing worthy to offer, you show me mercy. You grant me hope O LORD. Release me from this prison O Holy and righteous God. I do not deserve to ask this of you for I am unworthy and unholy without you.
Please hear my plea and do not reject me as I have rejected you. Please forgive my transgressions O LORD. I have been a fool. I have placed my hope and joy in worldly things. Father, only you can grant me true joy. Only you can grant me freedom from my sin.
“Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves”
[James 1: 21-22]
O unchanging LORD, you have reached out to me even when I have forgotten you. I am sorry for abandoning you. I am sorry for succumbing to my weakness.
Cleanse me of my unholy desires O LORD and make me pure. Consume me and fill me with your holiness. O LORD help me to resist worldly things, as well as the desires of my flesh.
O LORD, without you, there is no hope. I have no strength or power of my own. Without you O LORD, I am trapped in darkness. But you O LORD are a glorious light, with no trace of evil. You O LORD provide a fullness and richness which is untouchable. You O LORD are my refuge and shelter.
Help me O God receive your word with meekness. Fill me with your Holy Spirit and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
To you be all the Glory.