Being married can be difficult. It requires a certain level of emotional vulnerability and openness that doesn’t always come easy. There is still the threat of heartache, hurt and pain even in a committed relationship. As humans, our bodies and mind are wired to respond to the threat of danger with fight or flight.
More often than not, when it comes to matters of the heart, we choose the flight response. It is the easiest and safest way to protect ourselves from deeper hurt. While this may seem like the best thing to do in the moment, it is a short-term solution which can lead to more hurt, as it leads us to close off, trust less and as a result, isolation can occur. Isolation in marriage is no fun. I know that from my experience of it. It is no secret to me or to my husband (thankfully) that i find it difficult to trust or let people in. It is not something that comes naturally to me and yet i yearn for a closeness and a friendship with people that requires trust and honesty.
Honesty- that is easy, well, as long as it doesn’t require emotional vulnerability. In that case, is it really honesty? Something i am sure of is but still learning, is that in order to be vulnerable, i must let God in. I must be vulnerable with him first, sharing my thoughts and feelings instead of hiding from him, or at least trying to hide! God is my strength and my shield, he knows me better than anyone ever will, he loves me more than anyone ever will. Though i know this, it is easy to forget- especially when i do not take the time to speak to him or allow him to speak to me.
However, all i can do is trust in God, believe that he will change me and help me grow, that he will break down the walls built so high. His love overflows in my life and i only hope to show a glimmer of that love to those around me. His will is perfect and he will prevail, in spite of my attempts to hide from him. I trust him in my marriage and i trust him to build me up, into a better sister, daughter, friend and the wife my new darling husband deserves me to be.