I am definitely guilty of expecting my husband (D) to be perfect and I am guilty of putting him on a pedestal so high that when he dares to be human or dares to make a mistake and that when it comes crashing down, I feel betrayed and react like a raging bull.
However, something I have learned this past year is that just like I am not perfect, neither is my husband. No matter how much I want him to be the one who knows me inside and out, who knows exactly what I am thinking and feeling and who knows exactly the right thing to say every time, he cannot be that person. The truth is, he is just as broken, sinful and imperfect as I am. He cannot and will never complete me.
Sometimes we get stuck, we misunderstand each other and we miss each other’s perspectives. Most of the time I am pretty stubborn and hard-headed. My pride can get in the way of communicating and of building intimacy with D. Thankfully for me, I have a husband who loves and cares for me. He also knows not to talk to me when I am hungry or running on less than eight hours of sleep. Now do not get me wrong, D is an amazing person who day by day shows me a love and kindness that only he can. He also understands me most of the time (though not when I am moody) but he cannot save me.
How can someone who is as flawed, sinful and imperfect as my husband save me? We would have no chance!
If there is anything I have learnt in our first year of marriage, it is that only through the love of God and love of Jesus can I love other people.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
[1 Corinthians 13: 4-8]
God’s love is pure and unconditional. It is also unwavering, unlike my love which picks and chooses when it manifests. It is only when I choose to love God and choose to let the Holy Spirit work on my selfishness and my pride, that I can truly love others, including my husband. The verses above paint a clear picture of God’s love for us. His love is an example for me to follow, not just when D does sweet things like taking the trash out or making me endless cups of tea but also when he makes mistakes or annoys me and needs to be shown grace.
It would also be a joke to think I can love using my own ability (D can certainly testify that I cannot). As much as I like to think of myself as a completely selfless woman, always right and never wrong, I am just not. And you know what? That is okay, well sometimes, because Jesus does not expect me to be all those things. He loved me and called me to him despite my failings to love unconditionally and he made me righteous. He restores me and changes me to become all the things that he is: patient, kind, humble and so on.
So, my husband is not my hero and I would not want him to be because I have Jesus who is my number 1, my hero, my saviour and the one I choose to love and trust and put all my hopes in first and foremost.